Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
