I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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