You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
