Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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