it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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