i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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