I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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