It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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