And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
