brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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