I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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