i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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