The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
