now i know why i became what i already was.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
