Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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