I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
