I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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