I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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