Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
