Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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