Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
