The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Randomize
