You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
being pregnant is like rehab
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
