You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
