You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
