you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
