I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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