From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
