I hate all girls vehemently.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
