Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
