Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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