Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
