Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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