This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
