I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Terrible idea I love it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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