Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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