I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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