I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
