i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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