Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
