Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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