i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
