it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
