dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
