Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
