I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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