No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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