the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
