Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
