Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My penis needs a shock collar
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
