Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
