my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
