I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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