Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I party with great urgency now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
